Godly Conflict Resolution

When You’re in Conflict

1 – Take time for Self-Reflection

 

Romans 3:23 (NLT) For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

• Ask Yourself: What have I done that is contributing to the conflict?
  • Did the way I responded when they said that help or hurt?
  • Am I being honest? Kind? Patient?

Matthew 7:3–5 (NLT) “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

• Ask Yourself: What is going on in my own heart that is contributing to the conflict?
  • Am I holding on to bitterness? Anger? Selfishness?

 

2 – Take the Initiative to Seek Reconciliation

 

Matthew 5:23–24 (NLT) 23 “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, 24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.”

 

Matthew 18:15–17 (NLT) 15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense.

Matthew 5:23–24 (NLT) 23 “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, 24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.”

Romans 12:18 (NLT) Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

 

• And if someone else has trespassed against you?

Matthew 18:15–17 (NLT) 15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

• This means first of all you’ve respected the privacy of your friend
  • Because First you went to them – you didn’t go talking to other people
    • (yes, sometimes we need to get advice from people we trust about the right thing to do, but don’t just go tell others what someone did wrong)
    • Then you go to them in private
  • Your goal, when they have sinned against you, is to win them back
  • You have to go in saying something like
    • You may not have realized…
    • You could probably tell that I had something on my mind when you said…
    • You probably didn’t mean it like it came across, but…
  • Your goal isn’t to be right, it’s to regain a friend

• Relationships are worth doing the hard things

16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.

• If going to them in private doesn’t solve it, you have to go to people you trust to handle this well
• And these should all be people that know the whole story
  • They are a witness
  • Saw it happen, they heard it said

17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church.

• Relationships are worth getting the community involved

 

Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

• Just as Jesus treated tax collectors

 

Luke 19:1–10 (ESV)

1 He entered Jericho and was passing through. 2 And behold, there was a man named Zacchaeus. He was a chief tax collector and was rich. 3 And he was seeking to see who Jesus was, but on account of the crowd he could not, because he was small in stature. 4 So he ran on ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree to see him, for he was about to pass that way. 5 And when Jesus came to the place, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, hurry and come down, for I must stay at your house today.”

 

6 So he hurried and came down and received him joyfully. 7 And when they saw it, they all grumbled, “He has gone in to be the guest of a man who is a sinner.”

8 And Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold.”

9 And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, since he also is a son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

• Jesus initiates a friendship with Zac

Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

• i.e. – Still. Pursue. Friendship.

Romans 12:18 (NLT) Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.