How Do We Help Our Friends When They Suffer

Wisdom for the Age / Job

Most of the conversation is absolute miscommunication. Everyone is saying what is most important to them without really considering the other person. And everything believes they are the most right.

Job 2:12–13 ESV

And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.

Job 3:20–26 ESV

“Why is light given to him who is in misery,

and life to the bitter in soul,

who long for death, but it comes not,

and dig for it more than for hidden treasures,

who rejoice exceedingly

and are glad when they find the grave?

Why is light given to a man whose way is hidden,

whom God has hedged in?

For my sighing comes instead of my bread,

and my groanings are poured out like water.

For the thing that I fear comes upon me,

and what I dread befalls me.

I am not at ease, nor am I quiet;

I have no rest, but trouble comes.”

Look at what Bildad says to Job

Job 8:2 ESV

“How long will you say these things,

and the words of your mouth be a great wind?

They are trying to justify their opinions on who God is and trying to quell their own discomfort with the situation. They have arrived and believe they are correct. They listen to Job just so that they can respond to Job.

Job 11:13–16 ESV

“If you prepare your heart,

you will stretch out your hands toward him.

If iniquity is in your hand, put it far away,

and let not injustice dwell in your tents.

Surely then you will lift up your face without blemish;

you will be secure and will not fear.

You will forget your misery;

you will remember it as waters that have passed away.

Zophar quickly diagnoses Job. He figures it out. Not so that Job doesn’t have to suffer, but so that Zophar doesn’t have to suffer.

Zophar thinks he can figure God out. Job did something to deserve this. God is just in His action or inaction. That’s it. Let’s go home.

We are Zophar. When we experience tragedy we think we understand it entirely. Let’s just get this out of the way. You don’t. You don’t understand someone else’s suffering. And you do not have a monopoly on God’s perspective. Neither do I.

We cannot talk or behave someone out of suffering

Job 6:15–21 ESV

My brothers are treacherous as a torrent-bed,

as torrential streams that pass away,

which are dark with ice,

and where the snow hides itself.

When they melt, they disappear;

when it is hot, they vanish from their place.

The caravans turn aside from their course;

they go up into the waste and perish.

The caravans of Tema look,

the travelers of Sheba hope.

They are ashamed because they were confident;

they come there and are disappointed.

For you have now become nothing;

you see my calamity and are afraid.

Romans 12:15 ESV

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

Say less, stay close

Suffering can be part of a much larger and better story in Christ.

Let’s look at the example of Jesus healing a woman in . Jesus doesn’t just ask her to tell her story, he helps her to see herself in Christ’s story.

Mark 5:30 ESV

And Jesus, perceiving in himself that power had gone out from him, immediately turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my garments?”

Mark 5:34 ESV

And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”

He calls us to reimagine it through relationship with Him. He is the place of safety and the healing balm.

Our role is to say less and stay close while we walk others toward Jesus. We help them live in the rhythms and patterns of life with Him. People might be bent over in grief. They may be wailing in shame, but Christ always and still has a way through.

As Christians our call is not away from the awkwardness of suffering but in and through it. Christ bled for those awkward moments, allow Him, in His bent and stooped posture to walk you into it and introduce someone to His greater story.