Ephesians 5:21-33 “Marriage in Christ: Reflecting His Love and Unity”

Primary purpose for marriage? Glorify God by living out God’s metaphor. Ephesians 5:31-32. 

Advice for Wives:

Ephesians 5:22 Sub–mission. Voluntary placing under the mission God has for our marriage (glorify him) as we live out the metaphor pattern of Jesus loving his bride and submitting to the Father. 

1) Submission has a and a .

2) Submission is . 5:21  Trinity is our model. Not a dictatorship but partnership. How? 

3) Submission is v.21-22 key- out of reverence for Jesus.  As unto the Lord. 

V.23-24 Chain of leadership. It doesn’t imply inferiority, rather 2 headed leadership never works. The dictator husband forgets he is under the headship of Jesus and Jesus is a servant leader. 

Advice for Husbands:

V.25 – Paul tells us 6x in 9 verses to love our bride. Characteristics:  

1) Love is a : Love is a verb. 1 Cor. 13:4-7 Put your name in there.  Worship!

2) Love is a : Commit because of what Jesus did for you.  Solution to lost love feelings? Rev. 2:4-5 Do the things you did before. Feelings will follow faith.  

3) Love is sacrificial spiritual – V.26-27 Men are to be the spiritual leader.  

V.33 – Practical ways to love: Unconditional Love is what every woman longs for.

1) Accept her – you are the only one God called you to change. 

2) Listen to her– Don’t naturally default into Mr. Fix it unless she asks. 

3) Make her a priority. Do the things you did at first! Show her love in word and deed.  

4) Be a student of her.  Ask her how you can love her better. 

V.33 – RESPECT

Lack of respect is constant nitpicking, tearing down. Critical attitude.  94% predictor of divorce is contempt which is a critical heart with time. Don’t react with defensiveness instead of humility as it never works as it just communicates that we don’t take our spouse’s concerns seriously. 

Practical advice: 1. instead of a critical heart: a culture of appreciation. I appreciate that you … and I recognize your sacrifice. 2. Use “I” words to describe your feelings without blaming.  

Grow Group Questions:

1. As men or women, what are the biggest challenges to following through on this message?
2. Are you praying with each other? If not, why not? And why does this make a difference?
3. Why is communication the single greatest indicator of a vibrant marriage? 
4. How does using “I” words when voicing a concern make communication more effective?  Eg: I feel this way when… Instead of You make me feel this way when…
5. Women: Share how unconditional love would look to you. Men, describe how respect looks.

Extra Credit Homework (stuff that is ESSENTIAL to learn):

Dr. Gottman is not a Jesus follower as far as I know but has (in my opinion) discovered counsel that unintentionally parallels LOVE and RESPECT, especially when it comes to communicating.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-6-things-that-predict-divorce/

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/ 

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot’s insight on Love and Respect:

Go to www.Feathersoundchurch.com/free and sign up for a free RightNow Media account, and watch their 4 part message CRAZY CYCLE on love and respect if you want to know more about how this works (You can thank me later).  

Top 2 books to Read: 

When Sinners say I do by Dave Harvey

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

***Successful marriages only happen when you proactively invest in your marriage by learning.